Shadows fill an empty heart

As love is fading,

From all the things that we are

But are not saying.

Can we see beyond the scars

And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.

And open up to

The ways you made me feel alive,

The ways I loved you.

For all the things that never died,

To make it through the night,

Love will find you.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes

To start a new day.

This broken heart can still survive

With a touch of your grace.

Shadows fade into the light.

I am by your side,

Where love will find you.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love, it never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

What about now?

Now that we’re here,

Now that we’ve come this far,

Just hold on.

There is nothing to fear,

For I am right beside you.

For all my life,

I am yours.

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?

What about today?

What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

Baby, before it’s too late,

Baby, before it’s too late,

Baby, before it’s too late,

chat? “it’s just a chat?” he always utter those i think stupid reasons on how he wanted to escaped being caught on something he was doing over the net. Ever since i started chatting, i never use that terms just to fool him from something.

about 10:00 pm i woke from half asleep. before i go to sleep an hour ago, after watching Hancock with him i saw him sat in front of the computer and start chatting. i usually didn’t mind him chatting not until tonight… after some things that i just saw in his conversation with someone. actually i was so terribly hyper when i saw those chats of him with that girl. and the fact that i didn’t want to be bothered yet i saw him turning around at the bed like making sure that i’m not awake, i get curious of what he was doing, i happen to take a sneak behind him. maybe he didn’t noticed that im already watching his chat with that girl and i found out this…

...

and when he saw me behind him, watching him chat like that, he’s eyes got big and look so terribly shocked that im watching him. i had a very sarcastic reaction, without saying anything and just looked at his reaction towards what i found out, i quickly gave him punches and slaps in his face and then he quickly turned off the computer? i was so amazed that he take all of that actions of me causes by my anger of him… yet of course, turning off the computer will not make me stop from my sarcasticness as he describes it with regards to my reactions huh? i slaps him and punches him again and again and hit him again while commanding him to continue chatting to meet with that girl and in fact i even watched him chat with the girl but sad to say the “lets meet” subject was thrown away and dragged the topic into some boring chat. that makes me LMAO. after that i did haha tuned into boring chat with that girl.

well after i post this maybe i will be calmed and of course will find time to sneak again sometimes on some of his chats during night specially when he was in irc and talking in some naughty channels like “kantutan”, “kalibugan”, “makatisex” and i don’t know the others.

now i realized why he changed all of his access on his so called “personal” accounts. that is why… and i know now how excited he was to have me hired on work abroad.

and oh one more thing… i know its not right to put her (the girl) here but at least this will remember this night of how he PISSED ME OFF on his so called “IT’S JUST A CHAT!” thing…

...

then haha i may go to sleep now…

as the notes says:

Every relationship has its pluses and minuses. For a strong relationship that satisfies both the partners, you have to consider yourself, your partner and the character of the relationship. If you manage to get into a relationship with the right person, you can have a long trouble-free journey.

Does honesty help a relationship or it hurts a relationship? This question bothers many of us when it comes to revealing something serious. Shall I tell him/her about the last night? What if things go wrong? How to tell? What if I do not tell but he/she comes to know about it? So many questions hammer us when we want to hide truth. And revealing truth may be equally serious in our opinion. So what should be done?

If we are not totally honest and open with our beloved, that means we are not sure about our relationship. That means that we do not have confidence in each other. That means that the relationship is fragile. Why worry about a relationship, which is fragile. Such a relationship will break for some or other reason.

A strong relationship can take any storm. In a strong relationship, we are ready for some disagreement but know that ultimately things will be same as be fore. In a strong relationship we are totally open with each other. We tell everything to our partner and are sure that no break-up will occur. Such relationship gives joy.

If you hide something from your partner you will always suffer from the guilt and worry about hat if he/she gets to know about that. That is not a happy relationship. Such relationships cause stress, rather than giving any pleasure. To get pleasure, have confidence, tell your partner everything about your past, and expect that they will not only understand but also comfort you about that. That is the sign of a open and strong relationship. There is another way out. Draw boundaries and agree about them with each other. I may do some thing in this area but you have no right to know about that. If such an agreement is drawn and agreed upon by the partners many problems get solved. But this kind of relationship is not close. Have your choice about what you want to do.

— for some guidance

hay im home alone este i have kenzi here but my partner… hmmm… there at his friends place, making happy happy and drowning himself to getting drunk. and yeah he simply texted "i will not be able to come home tonight, dont wait for me okay, sleep early inday, i will try to go home 4am or 5am" duh? what the heck?! did he even think that i will not be sleeping until he got home. darn stupid sensitive person. and why do he have to sleep over to his friends place if he can go home before 11?

well i should w8 for him to come home. i am not going to bed until he’s home… nahhh… im sleepy now so i should not bother myself to whatever he’s doing right now.

wutever…

This morning me and my partner was looking for a good movie to watch. i was the one who look for some. i used his access on one website that provides filipino movies like you tube but uploaded the whole movie file. in that website it is easy to access movies without having the hard time dloading movies on a torrent.

i found about a movie starring AGA MULACH who played as Ian; ANGELICA PANGANIBAN played as Karyn; and MARICEL SORIANO as Joana.

the story get in touch with "What if you met the woman you wanted to make your wife after you
married someone else?" personally speaking i was kinda 80% relates on the story of this movie **bringing out the past again** that is why im putting it in here.

the story goes like this…

Ian Montes (Aga Muhlach) is a picture of success. Despite being a son of a shipping tycoon, Ian refused to just ride in his father’s empire. He built his own real estate company and earned his first million at a very young age.
He never looked back since then. Driven by his ambition to become better, if not as good as his father, Ian managed to make it on his own.

But behind all the glory is a man yearning for love and recognition.

Wounded from the abandonment of their mother when he was 17 and desperate for his father’s approval, Ian longed for someone who can and will love him unconditionally. And he felt this twice when he met two women who would change his life forever - Joanna and Karyn.

Joanna Villanueva is a picture of quiet confidence and success. Healing from a heartbreak caused by an errant ex-husband, Joanna found love again when she rescued Ian from a waterskiing accident in La Union. Being a doctor, Joanna nurtured Ian and showered him with love and attention. With Joanna, Ian found the home he sorely missed and a life of bliss he never thought he could have.
But there is also Karyn.

Karyn Torres is a flight stewardess he met when he once went to Macau for a business trip. At 24, Karyn is the epitome of youthful sensuality and worldliness. With Karyn, every moment is filled with excitement and spontaneity. With Karyn, Ian found the life he’s always wanted.

And so Ian is left with a choice…

… the movie started with Joana confronting Karyn about their relationship with Ian. at first i thought that Joana was the legal wife because they imply first in the scenario the happy moments of Joana and Ian, yet when the scenario goes, it turned out to be i mistaken that Karyn was the third party. lol she was actually the real legal partner.

and also my attention gets into a part of the movie wherein Karyn and Ian always plays a certain game. the game they always use in confrontation and discussion about the real status of their relationship. it was a game of question and answer yet the question must be answered by another question then, if one fail to answer an asked question answer, he/she need to do what is the other person wanted.

i find it kinda fun yet an effective ways of expressing thoughts in a relationship. i can call it "questioning a question portion" lol

well anyway the story for me was simply emphasizing  learning of mistakes, acceptance of all you mistakes and standing where you fall.

In the end, Ian, Joanna and Karyn learn - though in the most painful ways - the true meaning of unconditional love and forgiveness.

…to be honest i expected that in the end Karyn will let go of Ian, and Ian will go to Joana but, again, i mistaken the ending turned out to be Ian, Karyn and their son live together again as a happy family …and Joana hmmmm… was out of the blue, didnt mention in the movie what happened to her in the end…?

this was a very good movie that is a must watched movie. e get to relate on almost all scenarios, the confrontation of the real partner to the querida, the complaints and probs of a husband and wife to each other, even the decision making part, and the coping part attacked me the most wherein the other person was so lack of trust to the partner that every move that partner do was co-related to what mistake that person did… was kinda hello? the efforts was clearly expressed. well maybe i was so interested with the story because it actually happened to me and happening to me.

good thing that i watched the movie with him to make him realize some faults of me, him and the other person maybe i should not include that one here coz its a family matter i guess, i will be unfair mentioning that.

to close this, i therefore conclude that the story of the movie "A Love Story" put an impact in my personal life. its a very touching story though, i get related to almost all of the scenes.

nwei this was a preview of the said film…

hope you will like it the way i am…

enough for today hehe… till next post…

a celfone is considered a personal matter, a bank account number, an atm account, a mail account, a ym account etch etch. but how about having a partner who is very much concern and want to know about what you have been doing to those of your accounts? would you say its too personal to share it with that person?

i had a little argument this morning. its about the ym id and mail account that i do before knew a person’s "personal" access but now that person start hiding and changed those access so i can no longer log into it. first and foremost i do must knew about it. why? who am i to that person? im not just a friend, or a neighbor, or a total stranger. come on! that person could definitely define my status to his life? im not just a text mate or a chat friend. why hide those access from me? hiding something? dont want me mess with your life while having fun messing with mine? is that fair? i guess i should learn your ways from now on. maybe i must start personalizing ALL my access too. not sharing things to him anymore. that was what he wanted me to do huh? its not a matter of TRUST, its actually an issue on COMPROMISE to your partner. i cant find myself belong to him anymore. he really pushes me away from him and push me to be close to other people but not to him. maybe i should do that. maybe i can now deal with he hurting me more while me pleasing him doing things to make him satisfy with me. simply realizing that im no longer stupid. love myself more than anyone is now my guide of happiness. not to be "fair" but to be "even".

and dont worry mr. clean good guy pretender, i will be.

Somebody was calling me names and it is… “the WEBMASTER”

well since i started making blogs, this past week it turned out that the more i get the tweak work the more i wanna learn more.

it was a difficult stage for me that even my blogging was misunderstood. the person always insisting that what i was doing is wrong and always puts malice in everything i do in the web. hello? i do love making tweaks. he always makes issues about the past. about how i met the other guy blah blah blah, im so tired of listenening to those sentiments. to be honest i even pushing him to do something that is against the rules, and i think he really enjoys doing those. i dont want to argue anymore about things that will put some malicious matters over me. i didn’t do anything hello again!? the person always assuming those things. even this blog was misinterpreted. hmmm dont worry i will be very honest in writing. i guess even in writing you will know the real score. i will not argue about these things anymore. let things happen if you really want it to happen, i will no longer insist a happy endings because you always imply a broken one. you have no idea how much it hurts me but you keep on telling me those things. for your info i wasn’t even thinking that the only reason you gave me why we still together was not my reason why im still staying. the fact that the relationship is no longer healthy, we keeps on hurting each other more and more. the ending of this was so clear to me. im so tired of these emotions. if only i could be killed or kill myself to end my misery with you, i may accept. hay DRAMA.

nwei end it here and more writings and sentiments to come…

well i guess i was learning to start making a blog. i want to have a blog since i was making so much troubles with my life.i think i will start making this to express all of me that i haven’t happen to tell that person why im so like this, just let this be a good outlet nwei gonna add more next time. this is just a trial hehe.