its been long since i last wrote something here… senseless and with little sense. since i can’t really sleep tonight. I just got home from bulacan where i attended mommy cris’ boss daughter’s christening.

just an introduction, we just again had a big fight that lead  again to some separation issues. I admit that i can’t really control my anger when it comes to him but to think that maybe he should also consider my feelings towards his not-so-good treatments to me.

the root of all these was a very small issue actually. because i went to some occassion in bulacan, i promised him that i will brought him food by the time i got home. i brought kenzi with me in bulacan together with some relatives that also happens to be my officemates. Because i brought kc, and carry him all the time (you know little childrens are so lazy in walking they only enjoys playing right) and we only went there through bus and mrt rides meaning we have no service ride in going there so i was so tired when we got home by 11 pm and when we ride a van from tabas to cubao kenzi was already sleeping so i really needed to carry him all the way from there to pasig. when i arrived at our house, i simply say “wala akong uwi sayo, sobrang pagod ako” and i close the gate. and his eyes get big looking at me simply telling me that he was so disappointed that he thinks that im not even bothered that i didnt brought him the food that i promised. How inconsiderate, self centered.

If he really is thinking right, he rather asked me if im tired or he rather get bothered to tell me to take a little rest. Imagine that i carry a bag and kenzi thru commute all the way from bulacan to pasig and he was so into thinking that i should have brought him food before i got home.

This is what i did. Upon confirming that he was mad at me because of his unreasonable thinking, i run out of the house 11pm to buy him jollibee as what he asked me supposed to be to brought him. See how really inconsiderate of him. So when i arrived home, i was so very angry and find it really hard to control my temper towards his violent reaction earlier, while he was lying so relax in bed, that i know since 3pm he was like that, i threw the burger on his face telling him to eat what ive brought him. And while he was eating as i expected, i was talking and talking and talking over my sentiments because i happen to still get out that night to brought him his expected food. Its really annoying to think that he was looking at me not as a wife but as his maid/alipin.

as ussual, arguments arises and as he answers me arrogantly, i mean really arrogant answers, it gave me more reasons to throw glasses and food on him due to some reactions from him that is really hard for me to accept.

until now, my body feels so tired and exhausted but my emotions and feelings and thinkings was trying to find something. maybe there really is something  wrong with us. i just need sometime. even though its not applicable anymore to our situation, i want some space. Maybe we should really have to be separated, for a while. i hope he will realize my worth. and if not, maybe we should be separated, permanently.